Today came the unexpected joyful news that my sister had her baby--quite a bit early, but healthy and happy. Boy, aren't there some wonderful emotions when a new baby enters into the world, into your life! And when the picture of baby's sweet face, precious lips, kissy cheeks popped up on my computer screen, my heart melts and aches.
I've had to come to terms with the fact that they planned to name the little one the very name I've loved and dreamed about naming my own desired little one, since my early high school days. And this fact wasn't a secret. Anyone who's close to me knows I wanted a little one named this. But she never talked with me about it--not that I wanted her "permission" to use the name, surely I know I don't own it and I am perfectly aware of my ever-single, not close to dating or mating-status, but it was never said... "we really love this name... how are you feeling about that?"
But she got there first. A little more of the dream dying. Or, as Elisabeth Elliot might say, another chance to offer my dreams--be they broken, dusty, or even forgotten--as a sacrifice of worship to God.
The irony? I got my monthly reminder today. (Probably falls into the T.M.I. category!) A definitive reminder that there is no baby here! (Not that I would have expected there to be one, but hopefully you get my point.)
However, I guess it could serve as a last gasp of hope too--that the possibility, as totally remote as that is, yet remains. But time is just about up.
Hmm. Reminded of the scripture, My times are in His hands. My humanity wants to pout and say, "That's nice, but it still sucks to not have my heart's desire!!" I always wonder if it's because God knew I would totally screw up a kid's life, or something equally as dramatic, that He has kept marriage and family out of the picture for me. I don't know! It seems like I would have been a really good mom.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Another one bites the dust!
Here we go on another adventure in blogosphere! There's a tendency to have blogorreah and be self absorbed, in my ever so humble opinion, in certain blogs. Of course that will not be the case with me, as one might tell in my blog description.
No, this will be all about you and what I think of you! mwah-ha-ha.
Okay. So I have another birthday coming up, and this makes me sad. I just got home from a family reunion "vacation" (in quotes, because really, when is a family reunion ever really a vacation?). I went into my week away dreading it, how I feel soooo like the odd-gal out having no kids, never been married, never anything in that department, and here I have to be with my sisters and all their adorable kids, my cousins and all of their adorable kids, and my grandma and aunts and uncles... and I've passed the age where you even get asked anymore about "anyone special in your life?" and so on. Which I think is quite possibly worse that even being asked those invasive questions, because they now know that you really are an old maid, just as you have feared.
Anyway, the "vacation." It actually wasn't so bad. Maybe because a couple of folks who knew I was feeling loser-ish and vulnerable were praying for me. So while it wasn't laying on the beach sipping umbrella drinks with "someone special," or even a girlfriend or two, it wasn't too bad. And I actually have that lackadaisical, going-through-the-motions feeling here at work, because while I had reservations about a family reunion vacation, actually being at work kinds sucks lemons.
~ ~ ~
I'm pretty much a sucker for making my heart ache even more, because I'm addicted to mothering/wonderful married life blogs. :-) It's not all that bad, I guess. I make myself think I am simply increasing my value to any future suitors. And I can spout off child-rearing tips with the lightning speed of Dr. Dobson or recommend Sacred Parenting and Shepherding a Child's Heart, because I infact have these books. Of course I have to ignore the confused stares of mothers with children in tow, because they actually know this womb in particular has not been fruitful or multiplied. I then smile vaguely and pick imaginary lint from my sleeve as meander away.
Anyway, I have come across a blog in which they are giving away a freebie! Nellie, hold the presses! It is from a Mom blog. And it's something kinda cool too. Not that the scrapbook cutter thingy wasn't that Sally won. It's actually a flat screen TV! Yeeeesssssssss! Because I am a single woman, no dependents, I do have time to watch TV! Lots and lots of free ME-time! Take that, married parent suckas! (Oh, do I ever crack myself up. Because I actually am being quite sarcastic. I just have more TV time than you might have. heh. I just roll like that.)
If you want more info, about the contest, here you are: http://www.5minutesformom.com/2032/insignia-37inch-flat-panel-lcd-hdtv-contest/trackback/
You can find info about the above TV here: http://www.bestbuy.com/site/olspage.jsp?skuId=8274672&type=product&id=1171058029049
Anyway, here's to a happy life, lived for Jesus. Kids, husband...or no.
No, this will be all about you and what I think of you! mwah-ha-ha.
Okay. So I have another birthday coming up, and this makes me sad. I just got home from a family reunion "vacation" (in quotes, because really, when is a family reunion ever really a vacation?). I went into my week away dreading it, how I feel soooo like the odd-gal out having no kids, never been married, never anything in that department, and here I have to be with my sisters and all their adorable kids, my cousins and all of their adorable kids, and my grandma and aunts and uncles... and I've passed the age where you even get asked anymore about "anyone special in your life?" and so on. Which I think is quite possibly worse that even being asked those invasive questions, because they now know that you really are an old maid, just as you have feared.
Anyway, the "vacation." It actually wasn't so bad. Maybe because a couple of folks who knew I was feeling loser-ish and vulnerable were praying for me. So while it wasn't laying on the beach sipping umbrella drinks with "someone special," or even a girlfriend or two, it wasn't too bad. And I actually have that lackadaisical, going-through-the-motions feeling here at work, because while I had reservations about a family reunion vacation, actually being at work kinds sucks lemons.
~ ~ ~
I'm pretty much a sucker for making my heart ache even more, because I'm addicted to mothering/wonderful married life blogs. :-) It's not all that bad, I guess. I make myself think I am simply increasing my value to any future suitors. And I can spout off child-rearing tips with the lightning speed of Dr. Dobson or recommend Sacred Parenting and Shepherding a Child's Heart, because I infact have these books. Of course I have to ignore the confused stares of mothers with children in tow, because they actually know this womb in particular has not been fruitful or multiplied. I then smile vaguely and pick imaginary lint from my sleeve as meander away.
Anyway, I have come across a blog in which they are giving away a freebie! Nellie, hold the presses! It is from a Mom blog. And it's something kinda cool too. Not that the scrapbook cutter thingy wasn't that Sally won. It's actually a flat screen TV! Yeeeesssssssss! Because I am a single woman, no dependents, I do have time to watch TV! Lots and lots of free ME-time! Take that, married parent suckas! (Oh, do I ever crack myself up. Because I actually am being quite sarcastic. I just have more TV time than you might have. heh. I just roll like that.)
If you want more info, about the contest, here you are: http://www.5minutesformom.com/2032/insignia-37inch-flat-panel-lcd-hdtv-contest/trackback/
You can find info about the above TV here: http://www.bestbuy.com/site/olspage.jsp?skuId=8274672&type=product&id=1171058029049
Anyway, here's to a happy life, lived for Jesus. Kids, husband...or no.
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